The Gazette 1995

GAZETTE

JULY 1995

4. Identify the essential tasks

Proactive people work on the things they can do something about, that is within their Circle of Influence. The nature of their energy is positive, enlarging and magnifying, causing their Circle of Influence to increase. Reactive people, on the other hand, focus their efforts in the Circle of Concern. They focus on the weaknesses of other people, the problems in the environment, and the circumstances over which they have no control. The negative energy generated by this focus, combined with neglect in areas they could do something about, causes their Circle o f Influence to shrink. We must try to live within our Circle of Influence. Remember, you can't change the past but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future. Most of us become aware of stress when it is acute and we attempt to cope when we are already experiencing symptoms. A proactive approach involves planning in advance and seeking to prevent stress by altering the demands which are placed upon us. Ask yourself "Is there anything I can do to change the situation to avoid or reduce stress?" The following examples and techniques illustrate this approach to stress management. Many people find themselves struggling to achieve more and more in less and less time. The solicitor, for example, may find himself seeing more clients, taking on extra activities and struggling to keep up with developments. In addition, he may find himself agreeing to do things for others which only increases the load. Most of us go through life operating under Myth of Obligation. We believe that if someone makes a request of us we are obligated to say " y e s ". We feel that we do not have the right to say " n o " and doing so makes us feel guilty. However, if a person asks a question they are usually prepared for The Circle of Influence: altering demands/changing the situation 1. Deal with overload 2. Learn to say no

a " y e s" or a " no ". Ask for the request in writing. This will give you time to think and significantly cut down the number of requests. B e especially careful about agreeing to things on the telephone, the bane of the solicitor's life. There are five steps you can follow which make saying " n o" easier. 1. Ask yourself "how do I feel about this request?" If you have a sinking feeling in your stomach because you do not want to do something, this is an early sign that you need to refuse.

'What is the worst thing that would happen if I didn't get this done? How important is this meeting? Is it necessary for me to see clients at this rate or could I reduce the number of meetings? How is this activity progressing my goals in the longer term? Can the stressful situation be avoided entirely. Do I need the hassle of being involved in this or should I resign from the committee and free up time for other things? Can I reduce the stress of driving by avoiding rush hour? Can I schedule my "heartsink" clients for early in the day so that I do not spend the day with a sense of foreboding? Most of us feel uncomfortable when we think about confronting another person. Very often we don't have the skills to do it graciously and effectively. A situation may fester over a long period and the eventual confrontation may be explosive. The management consultant, Barbara Braham, suggests the D E AR technique for constructive confrontation. 5. Avoid what can be avoided 6. Learn how to confront people

2. Ask questions and find out what is involved before you agree.

3. After you have collected information about 1 and 2 above, decide. Don't be rushed. If you need to take time to think it over, do so. If someone pressurises you before you have had sufficient time to consider, refuse.

4. Explain, don't use excuses. The person may c ome back with a

solution for your problem (excuse). An explanation says you would if you could but you can't.

5. Stick to your original decision even if the other person persists. Use the broken record technique " n o ", " no ", " no ". . .

D - Describe the situation as objectively as possible

3. Learn to delegate

One of the problems about high status occupations is that asking for help can be perceived as a sign of weakness. It is easy to take on the role of "Super Human". Many of us find ourselves doing tasks which should be delegated. This is particularly true of people who feel everything must be done perfectly and nobody can do it as well as they themselves. Think of all of the things you do and ask yourself honestly, whether you are the person who should be doing them. Trainee managers in some major US firms are pushed to increase their delegation by one extra task per week. A simple format for asking for help (having put aside the need to be Super-human) is 'Here's my situation. . . and what I need is. . .'

E - Express your feelings and take responsibility for them

A - Ask specifically for what you need

R - Reinforce the other person by saying thank you.

7. Set goals

There is an old saying that many people aim at nothing and hit their targets with remarkable precision. Establishing goals in each major area of your life can significantly reduce your level of stress. Only by having goals can you determine what is important and what is not. For example, you may be seeing too many clients and be feeling

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