The Gazette 1985

SEPTEMBER 1985

GAZETTE

they are relevant. Contracts which may be required to be advertised in the Official Journal of the European community can be exempted from such requirements only in accordance with the provisions contained in the directives themselves.' In understood, from reading it two or three times, what they were saying but it could have been put much more simply. Still, one shouldn't expect too much from three authors (I shall save their blushes by not mentioning their names) who finish their letter with that immortal line: 'We are, sir, your obedient servants'. Take a very minor example, a clause affecting outside technical officers and consultants. The original bad old version ran to 66 words and read: 'It shall be a condition of the employment by the council of any person (not being an officer of the council) to supervise a contract that, in relation to such contract, he shall comply with the provisions of these standing orders and any related financial regulations as if he were an officer of the council authorised to act under the appropriate standing order or financial regulation.' The civil servants produced the following 57-word version in their new model: 'It shall be a condition of any contract between the council and any person (not being an officer of the council) who is required to supervise a contract on their behalf that, in relation to such contract, he shall comply with the requirements of these standing orders as if he were a chief officer of the council'. A marginal improvement on the original, but there is still scope for further change. Here is the version that Bradford's team came up with which runs to just 36 words: 'Outside consultants and technical officers employed to supervise contracts must be required in their own contracts for services to follow these standing orders and the council's financial regulations as if they were a council officer'. This is surely better than either of the previous versions. It is much more direct, it cuts out unnecessary or repetitious words and phrases and it adds something important that the other two miss. It makes it clear that the way to make outside consultants follow these regualtions is through 'their own contracts for services'. Tenders Take another example, this time a rule about advertising for contractors' tenders in local newspapers. Here's the original version of 108 words: 'Except where standing order 3 or 4 is to be applied, no contract which is estimated to exceed £15,000 in value or amount for the supply or disposal of goods, materials or services or the execution of any work shall be made unless at least 14 days' public notice has been given in one or more local newspapers and also, wherever the value or amount of the contract is estimated to exceed £45,000 one or more newspapers or journals circulating among such persons as undertake such contracts, expressing the nature and purpose thereof, inviting tenders for its execution, and stating the last date when tenders will be received'. Here's the civil servants' version, which runs to the same length but at least splits the rule into three sentences:

that behalf, have decided that tenders for a contract are to be obtained by open competition. 'At least 14 days public notice shall be given in one or more local newspapers and also, where the value of the contract exceeds £45,000, in one or more newspapers or journals circulating among such persons or bodies as undertake such contracts. The notice shall express the nature and purpose of the contract (state where further details may be obtained), invite tenders for its execution and state the last date and time when tenders will be received.' Our version is half the length, some 54 words: 'Tenders must be invited by an advertisement in at least one local newspaper saying what the contract is for and giving a closing date at least two weeks later by which tenders must be received. 'If the contract is estimated to be over £45,000, an advertisement must also appear in an appropriate trade journal.' These examples indicate the basic ground rules which anyone attempting to write plain English must follow. Here they are: 1. Write in the active rather than the passive voice (civil servants, lawyers and local government officers all have a long standing love affair with the passive voice, I'm afraid). 'Officers shall be requested to' became 'officers must'. 2. Avoid negative constructions. You save people the effort of mentally unscrambling them into positive statements. So 'no c on t r a c t . .. shall be made unless at least 14 days public notice has been given in one or more local newspapers' became 'Tenders must be invited by an advertisement in at least one local newspaper giving a closing date at least two weeks later'. 3. Replace stilted Victorian prose with everyday English, 'a public notice for a contract expressing the nature and purpose thereof became 'an advertisement saying what the contract is for'. 4. Cut out unnecessary phrases. 'Where, in pursuance of these standing orders, invitation to tender is required, every notice of such an invitation shall state', became 'Every invitation to tender must state'. 5. Replace big words with little words, 'Preceding' became 'before', 'hereinafter' became 'later' and 'provisions' became 'rules'. The net result, as I said earlier, was that the number of words used was halved from 3,600 to 1,800. Some of the reductions in individual standing orders were quite spectacular. One was cut from one sentence of 205 words to two sentences totalling 62 words. Another was slimmed from 620 to 227 words, and yet another from 108 to 38 words. Impressive though these figures may be, do not confuse brevity with clarity. Sometimes we found it necessary to use more words than in the original to get the meaning across. Take this example. The original standing order reads as follows:

'This standing order shall not preclude the extension of an existing contract on the same terms

'This standing order shall apply where the Council, or a committee or sub-committee duly authorise in

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